Healthy Friendships, and Healing from Co-Dependent Relationships

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Healthy Friendships, and Healing from Co-Dependent Relationships
Doreen Virtue's picture

Doreen Virtue

If you feel caught in a cycle where you’re the one doing all the work in your friendships, where you’re the one initiating phone calls, get-togethers, and paying for the lunches and movies, you’re not alone.

Many sensitive and open-hearted people like yourself develop co-dependent friendships, which are one-way relationships with you listening to their troubles, but them not returning the favor.

If you feel unworthy of love or friendship, you may over-do it by trying to “win” other people’s love with gifts, money, or doing favors for them. This will usually result in people being with you, but not because they like you.

          You’ll only attract “takers” with your one-way giving style. People-pleasers often have flocks of takers around them. No wonder people-pleasers feel lonely! After all, they haven’t shown anyone their vulnerable side of being unhappy. They instead pretend to always be delighted to help, when inside they’re praying that someone would give to them for once.

If you try to buy love with your money or by rescuing them, then don’t be surprised later that those people only love you for your money or what you can do for them. And don’t be surprised if – when you stop giving them everything – those people leave your life.

          True friendship requires an investment of time and energy (on both people’s part).

          Dear One, you ARE loveable, worthy, and deserving of healthy relationships. You give so much, and you deserve to receive as well. In fact, healthy relationships are built upon a balance of giving and receiving.

          There are people out there who are generous and loving, like yourself, and they are also searching for a healthy friendship. Where can you meet them? At places where generous people tend to be, such as charity events and organizations, and where people volunteer to help others. Prayer can lead you to find healthy friendships, and help you to be open to receiving healthy friendship love and companionship.

          Here’s a helpful prayer:


“Dear God, You know my heart and how much I desire loving friendships. Please help me to make any changes, or heal anything in my heart, that will prepare me for healthy friendship.  Thank you Lord for bringing loving and trustworthy friends into my life; people who can lift me up and support me, as I lift them up and support them in a balanced relationship of mutual respect. Help me to know and trust that I am worthy of being loved within healthy friendships. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”

Excerpted from and inspired by Don’t Let Anything Dull Your Sparkle at


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